control vs freedom

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Control vs Freedom ..jan3-2011…but this evening's talk that I'm going to expand on a talk which I gave last night to the monks at the monastery over in serpentine and talk about the the problem between control and freedom because many of you like all of us sometimes filthy being pressed between other people wanting to control us life controlling US government's controlling us even religions trying to control us but also the the fear of freedom and misunderstanding what freedom is and should we actually control others because sometimes we have children so we be controlling them to be controlling our diets you'll be controlling the world what should we do how should we interact and the whole idea of control becomes a very important thing we should truly understand because controlled is the opposite of freedom and especially in Western world's but not just in Western world's we worship freedom and quite rightly so and we try to resist no control and because of that we always have a sense of of contradiction in our lives between controlling and freedom this is what I want to explore in this evenings talk especially exploring it from a Buddhist perspective where we're supposed to be letting go and liberating ourselves from cravings and attachments and taking the no control so very very powerful and deep levels and actually seeing what happens when you do fully let go but to start from the ordinary lifestyle of human beings in this world that we live in an age where there are many groups and powerful beings powerful people powerful religions powerful forces of nature would you feel are trying to control you and some of those who recognize some of those who don't recognize and are not quite sure about you but even when I was young I you would like to resist those controllers what right have they to tell me what to do and I'm sure that many of you that you know is then having speed cameras and speed limits especially if you don't realize why they're there why should they tell me what to do it's an open road is quite safe and sometimes you read in a newspaper about food which you like is supposed to be fattening for you and so why should I listen to what they say I'm going to eat what I like now why should people be trying to control me and then you go into relationship and sometimes you feel your partner is trying to control your in the relationship and then it's your mother trying to control you and you say look I'm 50 years old and I'm married I'm not a baby anymore but still that mothers try and control you even father's try and control you and governments time control you and the media tries to control you to make sure you listen to their programs or buy their products and sometimes that we just feel like the way in this battle between other people trying to control as trying to possess as try to make as do what they want to do and sometimes that we've controlled even when we go to places like airports which I freak win very often you have to board at a certain time you have to go with certain things you can't carry this and you can't carry that and you can't bring this into the country and you have to board at a certain time with people sitting in the back row as please board first and sometimes we feel that there's an assault on our freedoms and the worst assault on our freedoms comes from life itself when I want to enjoy myself I want to be free but I got a bad back I've got a bad knee I've got a headache I'm getting old and I can't do those things which I want to do in the course of biggest control overhaul is the old age and death when I don't want to die yet sometimes that we will bail even against the controller of this life and so that there is and i think is a wonderful thing honest central rebellious pneus in the human spirit and I celebrate that rebellious pneus and now tried and made my life even though I'm part of an organized religion I was supposed to be organized but any of you join up with a society committee will know that Buddhism is not an organized religion at least not the Buddhist society within Australia his subtle gets by and sometimes I like it that way if it was running too smoothly sometimes I would think that's to inhuman there must be something wrong there somewhere but we get by and we're quite successful getting by and there's a reason for that which I'll bring up later on I hope but sometimes that we forget the rebellious spirit of human beings which is so important in our life and at this time when we're supposed to be concerned about terrorists when we last week bombs in Thailand so you're not supposed to go on holiday to Thailand you're not supposed to climb up ladders which are too high sometimes that do you feel that just it's too many things that I'm not supposed to do and what the hell I'm going to do it anyway sometimes that we repelled and sometimes we're billing is very good however you should learn how to rebuild properly because I remember when I was a schoolchild in the hippie era when we're supposed to be rebelling against Authority and to be rebellious I decided to buy my first pair of green velvet trousers bright green and I thought that was being really really sort of rebellious until I went to my first was it this is what concerts I think was in the Isle of 10 is actually it was a loving at Woburn Abbey in the 1960s and there I went in my rebellious green velvet trousers and I found about 10,000 other people also had green velvet dresses as well it was another uniform and my rebellious pneus was not really being rebellion I was being controlled but by other forces and sometimes that you wonder what is this controlling all about and sometimes you feel what it's like to be controlled and sometimes you go around controlling others how many of you would repel against your parents no because now you were young your hormones were raging you wanted to go out you wanted to sleep in you wanted to have your boyfriends and girlfriends and experiment but you're told not to and now that you are parents yourself you're being big hypocrites and you're telling your children not to do the things which you wanted to run probably did too there's something in that which know which really rankles me know that for one year as a school teacher I remember just having a big conflict inside of myself should I sort of discipline those children in this school for doing things but I would have done by you two or three years earlier I remember these kids coming down I was a nice day and I went for a walk down this Lane in this summer time and a late afternoon I saw a lunchtime in the county of Devon is a beautiful day I went down a lane and I saw a couple of the sixth formers when there was grade 12 probably this the equivalent of first year at university in australia coming down the road and as soon as they saw me at e to the hands went behind their back I know what that was because that's what I used to do that's when you're smoking and you're trying to hide a cigarette a dead giveaway and it was a narrow lane they couldn't be something they couldn't turn around so they're very very embarrassed I told her look that's not the way to hide a cigarette there's no way I would discipline those kids even though I was against the school rules because I felt being a hypocrite I was rebelling against those walls and why should I sort of impose rules on others but then again he's supposed to be trying to nurture these children and to respect sort of authority structures and there was a big conflict inside of me how much should you should give liberation how much should you control and that is a dilemma which many parents for you and it's a dilemma which many couples feel it's a dilemma which any person in authority feels how much should you control and how much should you liberate but so to investigate what actually is this controlling thing anyway now when you actually start looking inside what really controlling is and it is always trying to sort of thinking it come basis on the illusion the number one I know best and I'm in power to make something much better and some of those delusions which people have justice an arrogance to think you know best I don't know if any of you ever read the report on the stolen generation but there was an arrogance there further people many 40 50 years ago who took Aboriginal children out of their families imagine that was you and you happen to be born Aboriginal and people came in the day on the middle of the night and took your kids away saying is much better for the kids to take him away from their mother and father's what they did you can see there that they assume that we're going to do something better this was in the public's interest this was good for you and too often the reason why we start controlling is the delusion that we know best and he concede us how many especially religious people who try and exert control over the others based on the assumption that we know best I've seen that in some forms of Christianity fortune or all forms of Christianity I'm talking about evangelicals you see that in fundamentalist Islam and that's something which I never want to be part of you knows a religious leader because I see that number one that to say you know best it's one thing if you do know something one size fits all is not accurate and number two very often that you are imperfect like other people you make mistakes and what why do you think that you know and you've got the best idea what other people want but you can actually see that in fundamentalist religions but can you see that and the way you look after your kids and try and control them sometimes it's something called fundamentalist parenting I know best this is what you should do you better do it or else and just like a fundamentalist parent our fundamentals personal religion you use all sorts of jihad against your children and to make them do what you think is the best but that's not just with children sometimes that's in a relationship in a marriage sometimes there is a controlling partner and again they use all sorts of means to try and make you into what they think you should be now remember when it was a child how did you feel was that really functional did that really make you a better kid in a relationship a partnership between two people is actually really make you into sort of a more loving person is that going to make the marriage really hold or if you're in a teacher-student relationship or like a religious leader is that going to really make it any sort of sense that's actually controlling so first of all that one should really look at the fact that does one really know what's best a number two is that the best way of going about it and the other thing is it the best way of going about it no just controlling people I've seen a lot of people who have had this incredible courage to give another person freedom to trust them and when they stop the controller even less in the control and give a person more freedom usually the case is in nine cases out of ten the person actually lives up to that freedom when they blossom and they grow from that freedom and all the fears which we have how I filed it my kid go to that nightclub if I let my sort of wife just come home by our own if I let my husband just go out for a meeting with this friend that some sort of bother all those fears which one has if one doesn't have that trust those fears usually get fulfilled but if you trust somebody and give them that trust and they know you're trusting them uted is some other psychology at work if you give a person freedom very often they live up to that feeder that's what I found something there were that trust and that sort of trust and it is an opposite of controlling it is that what we mean in in Buddhism by meta drove my heart open to you no matter what you ever do I trust you I love you I respect you and because I give you that love and respect but now I hope you do the right thing but I forgive you if you don't because we're this control will always be fear fear from the controller of them not doing what you want and fear from the person being controlled what might happen if I don't do what I'm told and again many religions many political parties many bosses they work on that fear no to control a person and that's a very very unpleasant world to live in in places where i've had people in authority trying to control you and making threats if you do something wrong now this is what will happen to you or like you know when I was in school if you break the school rules you get the cane all that taught me was not to get caught that's all it taught me and that type of control which was allied with fear was completed as functioned I never learned know anything much from that except being very skillful to try and get out who having to go to the principal's office and that's actually what will happen in a relationship if it's a controlling relationship the other person being controlled would eventually rebel but they'll be afraid and all they will learn is how to be more skillful in not getting caught in other words is no truster there's no loud there's no sort of really humanity there and so that is wonderful to be in a situation where you feel you're not being controlled to have this sense of like freedom and independence but that freedom and independence you should look very carefully out because even though that sometimes we think we're in this bubble of freedom and our partners our bosses religion or company whoever is an authority over you seems to be giving you freedom sometimes there is some more subconscious or surreptitious controlling going on and of course people have become more and more smart and how to control you without you realizing it and of course advertising is one of the greatest means of control the greatest successful control mechanisms because people see advertising and they don't understand or realize that they are being totally controlled your hair stop your clothes is where you go at night we go on holidays you know what you eat how much of them is your free choice and how much of that is as you've been told what to do by the advertisers and sometimes it's frightening to know how much that we are controlled by advertisers by the billboards if you weren't controlled there will be no money in advertising and then sobti sure thing about advertising's we don't realize how we're being conditioned and brainwashed this is one of the more difficult things about control because you ask know what is actually freedom is freedom to do what I want but do I really want to do this or has this been conditioned it by my culture and why do people actually just go to say subiaco oval or the whacker and just watch know a few people just kick a ball around shouting backwards and forwards and then sort of your team loses anyway and you go home miserable when you look at just snow the the Australian sport of AFL I think there's 16 teams in that league every year 15 teams are disappointed and upset and only one team has any happiness that year so whatever team you support you've got fifteen to one chance of being miserable for one whole year but why is it that people do that because actually it's almost conditioned to its our national sport now we have to do it why is it for example one of my experiences as a young man is being like 14 years of age being rebellious know being with my mates a bit of peer pressure but also being rebellious going to take my first glass of beer the drinking age was 18 I was only 14 sneak in there I can't take a glass of beer thinking how clever I am how rebellious and taking my first glass of beer I couldn't believe just how disgusting that tasted I did see in the newspapers there was a suggestion of actually Perth drinking recycled wastewater me from your toilets and that's what I thought be it was somehow recycled from the lavatory because that is what it tastes like even that he people do call it piss in Australia so that was a way that must be recycled and so we're but it tasted awful but because my culture this was in London said that beer is fan beer is good beer is what you're supposed to enjoy and you spend a lot of money in many evenings drinking this stuff it only took me about three or four months to start to like the taste and once I became a man can I look back on that experience I thought why did I like that because I had to I completely reconditioned myself to go against my natural instincts of disliking the taste of beer to actually think he was delicious and being a monk when you stand back and you watch these things how much more or what I think I like has actually been conditioned into me because I have to like it because my Society says I must like it how free are you or how much have you been controlled like know some girls they don't want to have a boyfriend they just want to be no free by themselves but sometimes society you've got to get a boyfriend your mother and father you know when you getting find a boyfriend when he can get married we can have a child and the pressure is on you and sometimes that because of that pressure we get conditioned into doing what other people want and this is a big problem for human beings the pressure to conform the pressure to do what other people want to please others how much is that feeling like you're being controlled so much so that a lot of people get into frustration anger depression simply because that is a stress coming from outside in the book which I wrote open the door of the heart I made a very powerful quote in there and the quote was never allow other people say to control your happiness I've extended that since why is a while the people say you allow them to control you and that's a powerful means of control in our world is called my learning your weak points pushing your buttons they find out what upsets you we speak to each other a lot in our society we find out what really upsets you and once we see the reaction there we can keep using that again and again and again the weak spot of a human being and that often happens in relationships or with friends we tease each other we know exactly how to harm and hurt the other person and that especially happens in marriages where you see people emailed a long time they said is snide remarks to each other again again again when you hear that so often no wonder there's a divorce just coming soon you hear that with so-called friends putting each other down and why do we say such rotten words to each other because we want to control the other person you know what it's like when people find your weak spot and so the advice is doesn't matter what a person says no matter what they call you the my favorite word of abuse now because I swear this in a book and I mention this i think in malaysia a few weeks ago was about a person is say this is a curse from the middle easy said may the flea is of a thousand camels infest your armpits it's quite neat isn't it so there's somebody else where the fleas of 1000 camels infest your armpits so when you go home today you upset at your husband or your wife that's what you could call next and you know you've got it from ajahn Brahm it doesn't matter if someone says that what are you going to do if someone tries to abuse ooh with words like that or something worse why do you allow other people's words to upset you and you will keep on now until they find the right words which me to get deep into you you know find your weak spot and then they'll use that again and again so it's great not allowing other people to upset you quite often that in the early days here in / people go around so they see me dressed in these clothes and say are you're wearing women's clothes you're not a proper man you're a girl go and get a proper job you know Harry chrétien or whatever else is say because it's great being a monk like this because you know you're wearing funny clothes and you're tested out but there's no reason to allow people to upset you and so I have great fun like dressing in clothes like this I remember going on a bus once and just down Charles Street no and then somebody started teasing me and so I said I'm gon give as good as I got and said you know you got long hair you like a girl he should shape all off like me and as soon as I started fighting back the other guys they got really embarrassed and the reason was because I was not going to get embarrassed I was not going to be controlled I was going to so have some fun and when you actually aren't controlled by other people it's incredible freedom so why do you allow what other people say to control you if somebody says something mean and horrible that's their business nothing do with me they call me an idiot lazy just an idiot or one of the favorite for comments was walking through the streets of was it the doncaster in the north of London many years north of England many ago and no wearing our robes I was with this monk agile tomato was about 20 20 years older than me and this guy came up in this suit a business garden his way to work early in the morning and he looked at as no really would discuss but he turned on this a decimator not to him and said you're old enough to know better and I was young enough to be stupid but this guy he was no 40 that's a great comment but what why do you allow yourself to be upset by these people and you don't have to you don't need to be controlled this is the first place of rebellion not talking about wearing green velvet trousers or men wearing skirts or whatever I'm talking about rebellion rebelling wisely not allowing other people control you want to get angry fine are going to get angry when you get upset that's my business I decided to get upset but I won't make an automatic reaction when you start to do things like that you get incredible amount of freedom and also with them because you are starting to break the habits you Select subtitle language: SWITCH LANGUAGE Video Description Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung? | by Ajahn Brahm: http://amzn.to/1kJzd9w Ajahn Brahm - Control and Freedom http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKxKGFw6B68 (continue at 25min30sec) MP3: http://media.bswa.org/mp3/Brahmavamso_2007_01_05.mp3 Screensaver: "Flux" http://www.reallyslick.com/downloads.html or http://sourceforge.net/projects/rssavers/files/rssavers/0.2/ (get the zip and put Flux.scr in your windows/system32 folder, and configure through windows) Settings: Number of flux fields: 2 Particles per field: 200 Trail length: 80 Type: light Particle size: 5 Sphere complexity: 3 Randomization: 75 Expansion: 30 Rotation: 20 Crosswind: 7 Instability: 20 Blur: 1 Frame rate: 25 POSTED WITH PERMISSION FROM THE BUDDHIST SOCIETY OF WESTERN AUSTRALIA New Videos with Subtitles Latest Video Subtitles What Makes it Snow? 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